I Own Grand Rapids, MI

I am the "Guest of the Day" at Grand Rapid's Radisson Inn

The first thing the hotel staff told me as I checked into my hotel after the drive from Detroit to Grand Rapids is that I was chosen as their official "Guest of the Day." I asked them, "So what does that mean, a free cup of soup?" They told me it means much more than that: an upgrade to a suite (which is a regular room with a couch instead of a chair) and a free meal of my choice. I sauntered into the hotel bar for a little apertif: a whiskey-soda..."easy on the soda," and kicked back my dogs in the corner booth relishing on my throne. I browsed the menu and decided on their most expensive entree: the Surf & Turf, described in the menu as "brown sugar cured beef tenderloin filet accompanied by a succulent lobster tail with clarified butter, fresh vegetables, and mashed potatoes," going for $25.95.


I'm a bit wobbly from my meal and the rush from treating myself to a couple phallic glasses of beer and my apertif. It's time for bed. Oh! The Radisson has patented sleep number technology in their beds...I wonder what number I am? It's gonna be great experimenting with that tonight...fuck I'm lonely!