New England Mussels: the Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Tuesday afternoon somewhere near Boston, sitting at the registration desk waiting for the day's seminar to end so I can drive North to Portland, Maine. I plan on spending the night ordering crappy movies and room service so I can recover from either exhaustion or a minor cold...even though I never get sick. Sunday evening was spent eating mussels with my colleague Yvette at a place near Providence called the Red Stripe. We both munched down a few good ones before gagging a bit on some of the less-fresh, fishier versions of shellfish and washed it all down with multiple glasses of wine. Monday I headed for Boston with my presenter, where we had an amazing Italian meal and I got a cup of coffee at Mike's Pastry:

Me and a Mike's Pastry styrofoam cup of coffee

Arizona's State Animal: The Ringtail Cat...also known as ME!!!

The sharp needles of cacti remind me of a woman's love; I embrace them without fear

Once again Phoenix, AZ has been warm, dry and sunny. I never thought I'd like this town because I figured it was just hot and full of old people-which is true-but somehow it adds to the charm of the region. Also notable are the little mountains lining the horizon that remind me of Western films as the sun sets. Maybe it's just a nice break from Seattle's climate, which seems to be the exact opposite.

Unfortunately, my stay in the Copper State was too short and sweet to even get a little sun on my pale body. Around 3:30 I took a cab to the airport, where I danced as I waited for a flight to Salt Lake City:

Once again sitting on my throne in Grand Rapids

Jessica brings me a wonderful medium-rare prime rib fillet for my night's free meal at the Radisson in Grand Rapids

Yes, walking into the Radisson in Grand Rapids, MI there was much celebration to be had because my name once again waited for me on a certificate at the front desk pronouncing the Guest of the Day. They claim to draw the winners each day by random selection, but I think the folks here know there is something special in the air when I have a room reserved. As usual I got my suite which included a couch instead of a chair. For dinner my presenter, her husband and I sat at the hotel's restaurant, where I couldn't order the surf 'n turf because my presenter is deathly ill of crustaceans. Instead, I had the prime rib with wild rice and a glass of Cabernet. Then another. And another yet. Soon the three of us were drinking beers in the cocktail lounge where Big Al hosted the night's karaoke party.


I sang my usual Elvis Presley's Kentucky Rain followed by a charming and heartfelt rendition of Otis Redding's Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone. Then I was drunk and had a really hard time getting out of bed the next morning, even though my sleep number was set to 95!

Sunny Detroit and Stoic Frankenmuth

Dancing in an empty field across the freeway from Detroit's airport

Veteran's Day was a Monday packed with flying: from Seattle to Chicago O'Hare, then on to Appleton, WI where I arrived at 10pm and had a Leinie's at the hotel's lounge. I have a lot of friends from Appleton: Wiz Shubert, Jim Harrison, and Jenny Sherman among others. I thought about this town they grew up in and wondered if they had any idea what was in store for them freshman year in the stinky, smoky rooms in Pioneer Hall at the University of Minnesota. It was a nice place to be and I wish I could've spent more time hanging around the shores of Lake Winnebago. Tuesday afternoon my presenter, her husband and I flew to Detroit, where we settled in around 9pm. I enjoyed a few cocktails at the Metropolitan's bar, a horrible and smokey scene with a ratio of 25 guys to one girl, blond, plastered, chain smoking, and relishing in the attention she received from lonely and dirty businessmen (I saw her all dressed up in her flight attendant uniform the next morning heading off to work with a couple groggy pilots). The people of Detroit are grouchy and irritable, even the kindergarten teachers who participated in today's event. At the end of the work day we zoomed off in my Toyota Rav4 rental car headed for Saginaw.

A stop in Frankenmuth, MI gave us wayfarers the opportunity to experience the cuisine and culture of Zehnder's and their all-you-can-eat chicken dinner

On the way myself, the presenter, and her husband stopped off in a little German town called Frankenmuth (frank-en-mooth), home of Zehnder's, where fine-dining meets fried chicken and includes an all-you-can-eat dinner offering an appetizer of patte & toasted bread, followed by an entree of mashed potatoes & gravy, stuffing, fried chicken, cranberry sauce, cole slaw, cottage cheese, some sort of cheesy noodles, and ice cream for dessert. We were stuffed to the esophagus and waddled out of Frankenmuth, but not before getting my photo opp. with the local girls:

Friday Night's Rager and Thursday Night's Family Dinner

I get crazy at triple keggers

The past few days I've been running around getting in trouble at both homes: Minneapolis and Seattle. Friday night we hosted a raging party here in Seattle, where Gabe's estimate of seventy people went through two kegs, four bottles of booze, and finally, two cases of PBR. We had a crazy dance party in what some day might become our living room, supplemented by a DJ that didn't get the party moving until I started dancing like a fool turning all the ladies in the room on.

It was great to see so many old friends gittin' down: Marcello and his lady Katie, Brian the Iowan, drunk Kelsey, Elizabeth, Sarah, Andy. When we weren't dancing there were keg stands in the kitchen and a haze of cigarette smoke to breath in downstairs. Thank you to all who came and weren't afraid to party-hardy.

The night prior I was in Minneapolis where I spent a few hours with my family. I got to drive my dad's '89 Lincoln Towncar named Big Lou, had an amazing roast my mom had cooking in the crock pot all day, and a glass of wine with Grandma Alice.

A pit stop at home during the horrible grind of a work week

At the end of my Burnsville visit, I drove little Betsy home to Uptown where we enjoyed a Wondrous Punch and a Leinies at the Red Dragon. Sandy still works there, only now as a bartender and will be visiting Seattle some time in May when she'll be on the other side of the counter drinking with me.

A quiet drink with Little Betsy at the Red Dragon

Shore Lunches of S'mores and Shitty Television

The Inn on Lake Superior has a shoreline backyard where people can roast marshmallows at night

Last night we got into Duluth around 5:30 but it felt like 8 or 9 because it was pitch dark. I headed for Grandma's Bar & Grill where I ate a big steak, fluffy mashed potatoes, and two glasses of Cabernet. I talked with a guy named Tom who had a goatee and wouldn't stop yammering about immigrants taking advantage of "the system" and the auto worker's union being a lazy bunch of pot smokers. I wasn't in the mood to argue so I just smiled and nodded and kept my mouth full of good food. At the hotel, I finally got to use my swimsuit and sweated it out in the sauna before doing a cannonball into the swimming pool. I got back to my room and turned on the t.v. and flipped through the channels for about 10 minutes before deciding there was nothing good on and went to bed. If anyone knows any good t.v. shows, let me know because thus far all I've seen on cable television is SHIT! What's the deal with the new Steve-O show where he wears doctor's scrubs and looks cool around hot babes!? That's the best thing I could find on the idiot box.

Good to be back in Old Minnesota

The St. Cloud Convention Center's Baseball Hall of Fame:

"Kent Hrbek's dramatic grand slam in game 6 forced the seventh and deciding game with the cardinals"

Yes, good to be back in Old Minnesota. The temperature is frigid, but more like a nostalgic frigid than a miserable one as I haven't felt this frozen since Christmas last year...and there's not even snow on the ground. Here in St. Cloud, I get a beautiful view of the Mississippi River from my registration desk. Last night I had a Grain Belt Premium at the Red Carpet Martini Lounge and then made my way downstairs for a Leinie's and a game of Big Buck Hunter at the Red Carpet Pub. Tonight, it's off to Duluth where I hope to shoot me more big buck and have myself a few more rounds of local brews.

Wichita, KS and coming home to my friends

Wichita's not only hiring drivers and servers, but everyone and anyone who's willing to come and live at this boring city with a rapidly diminishing population (no offense to Wichita, of course!)

Well, what can I say about Wichita? I was glad to leave Friday afternoon and fly back to Seattle. I wasn't happy about the layover in Dallas, of all places however. Don't ask me the logic in flying from Wichita, KS to Dallas, TX in order to get to Seattle. It makes no sense to me. The Dallas airport was nice for the Cobb Salad I got at T.G.I.Fridays, though. Friday night I cut loose with Jack, Andy, and Gabe, who's been living it up in Croatia for the past year. I discovered my roomies bought a cord of wood, which is 128 cubic feet of wood according to the Energy Information Administration. It was a beautiful cord, and well stacked, but to Jack and Gabe's dismay, it was dripping wet from the inside out which requires another cord of paper to burn it. It keeps the house warm and smells nice after the paper's burned up, though.

Jack, Andy, and me at The Tin Hat in Ballard after a hard day's thrift shopping

Saturday afternoon was a day of leisure, digging up deals at Value Village and Goodwill with my roomies. We also moved my room (which is actually Andy's now) into the basement where I got to demonstrate my skill as a window washer from the two days I spent as one this Summer. By evening we were all satisfied with a good day's bonding and were ready to party hard, which we did.

Gabe and half his sister (also a roomie) Mia

This week I'm excited to tour Minnesota, starting here in Rochester at the Ramada Inn. I already am brimming with nostalgia after driving past the Caribou Coffee where I used to deliver panini sandwiches during a job one Winter in college. Tomorrow it's off to St. Cloud! Good to be home.